pseudo-sushi.

Until a few years ago, sushi was this amazing exotic dish that EVERYBODY in Hollywood was  eating because it was so DELICIOUS and so HEALTHY.

And if the sushi-stuffing svelte Gwyneth Paltrows and Sandra Bullocks of the world aren’t evidence enough, surely we only need look at the entire Japanese population; all taut skin and shiny hair and cancer-free. Sushi must be frickn good for you, yup.

But perhaps for fear of shocking our fish-and-chips-clogged arteries by missing out one of the macronutrients, we Kiwis take those little packages of seaweed and sticky rice and raw fish and plonk them in a deep-fryer.

Mmm. Now that’s covering all the food groups.

I used to work in an office where the ever-dieting women would exult over their plans to run to the Japanese takeaway next door. They’d return, clutching plastic boxes and chopsticks, and proudly chow down on …..crispy misshapen lumps of yellow batter.

What’s the problem here?

Alright, so we’ve got white rice. Bad because it’s nutritionally devoid of vitamins, minerals or fibre – when the brown husk of the grain has been stripped away, you’re left with sweet F all.

Then there’s the all the crap they mix in WITH the rice and egg and tuna and whathaveyou. Soy sauce is loaded with sodium, mayonaise is loaded with sugar and fat, and let’s not even talk about MSG.

And the batter.

Oil. Not the good kind. Flour. Not the good kind. Fat. NOT the good kind.

No; the nutritional benefits of that sliver of salmon/seaweed/avocado tucked within your battered bullshit will NOT balance out the damage.

Don’t get me wrong. Sushi – the way the Japanese would eat it – is a near-perfect meal. Carbohydrates, Omega-3, a few vitamins and minerals. Infinitely better than a pie.

And guess what? It’s THERE alright, usually right on the shelf right next to the lard-laden stuff.

Make it easy on yourself. If it’s a heart attack on a plate you’re after, get that pie. But do NOT tell me you’re eating “healthy” today whilst sticking your chopsticks into a golden cube of trans-fats.